My goodbye letter..

I can't believe I'm writing this letter and today is my final therapy session. I'm so different to the scared little girl that walked in that door the one that was so Hungary to get better! I always new there was something more wrong with me then just being depressed I'm so glad I kept fighting to find out what was really wrong with me, finding out I had BPD was the start of this whole journey when the doctor told me I felt the biggest weight be lifted from my shoulders but I new that was only the start. When I first found out I had to come to therapy every week I was scared of digging up things from my past that I wasn't ready to but I new the me that wanted to control my illness and get better was stronger. Coming to see Clive every week has helped me so much when we first started I wasn't talking to my mum and coming to here has helped me maintain a relationship with her and be able to speak to her in a way I never thought possible,  it's helped me find ways of dealing with my rages and outburst and help me not get caught up in my world wind of emotions and to be able to step back and not get pulled into theses feelings. It may of taken 27years but iv learned to think before I bloody speak! It's so hard to write how therapy has been for me because it's been amazing I never once got up and walked out I sat and faced every demand I had face on even tho sometimes it was the hardest thing to do. Iv been able to but so many things to bed and realise that my early stages in my life wasn't my fault and I was just a little girl who had bad things happen to her and to be able to expect this has been the thing I'm so proud of myself for. I never thought I'd find ways to cope but writing my blog and giving myself head space has been a massive influence in this whole thing. Having a safe space to be able to come and speak about all things that are in my head without feeling like I'm going to be judge or say the wrong thing. I'm so glad I had Clive to go on this journey with coming to see him each week to see someone who's understanding and who tells me how awful things must have been for me and who praised me when I made massive steps forward I'm so thankful for. I never wanted to let me down but I never wanted to let him as well because from that first day I walked thru the door you've been my biggest support and I thank you. Being able to learn and realise I'm not unloveable and have been able to open up to someone and let him into my life and to see the real me and not let my feelings or BPD take over 100% but only 40% is so overwhelming I never thought I'd find someone and let them love me for me and therapy has helped me do that. 

I was very scared of this moment a few weeks ago and I didn't want therapy to end but I'm ready I'm ready to face my life and remove the safety net and step out of my bubble.

I'm so excited for my future my darks days aren't as many and my rainbow days are more and I thank myself for that, everyone always said I was strong and now I feel it.

So with my head held high i guess it's time to say thank you and goodbye 

X