Worthless

I really don't understand why anyone would get involved with someone who was already so fragile and vulnerable. What does anyone get from letting someone believe in them and trust them and let them in! 

The thing is I opened up to dale I was me the real me and that still wasn't good enough... Like why did he feel the need to lie? Why couldn't he be honest and tell me the truth? It would of been fine. I feel like he's stripped everything from me I don't feel like me anymore I feel worthless and like I don't know how to me. I feel it's sucked and drained all the life out of me... I just don't who I am anymore I used to think that someone would really love me one day. Now I don't really that at all he's taken all my hope. 

How could anyone love me. I'm poison I don't mean to be I just don't think I'm loveable people become infatuated with me and obsessed they never really love me. I don't understand why they don't or can't. I was so happy without him Id finally found me and loved me. Now I'm struggling to cope and just really don't want to be in this pain anymore. Why did he lie? 

Wrote listening to 

Sam smith not in that way 

Loving me in the moment..

I'm really good at making people feel like there in love with me.. Till they see the real me and they realise I'm not worth being with. Everyone says they love me but they never really do they love me in that moment and at that time. Everyone promises me they love me but are the fastest to run away when things get hard. I'm so honest and open about my BPD n I let people make up there own mind, but I then get treated with kid gloves and it's clear Im not loved at all. Loving someone is not something you feel in a moment it's something you feel all the time. I love other people for their faults but who is ever really gona love me for mine? Why do I take chances on people who I no I'm not good enough for and I now I will end up hurting them because of how I am? Why can't anyone take a chance on me or really love me.. Am I really that much of a bad person? I'll do anything for anyone and I'm loyal I have a good heart. I just struggle with a disorder I didn't ask for and I don't want. people say they will stay and they won't leave me but they always do. I never do the things I do out of spit or to hurt people I just sometimes don't see what I'm doing.. Being told he doesn't love me anymore has been the thing I needed to set it all free. You don't fall out of love with someone in 3 weeks not someone who you was so scared to loose and who you planned so much with. I'm glad I bow no it wasn't real love and it was in the moment love, because I can now put it to bed rather then thinking someone really did love me..