This is a topic that I feel so strongly on and how i find it so hard to still believe what people say to me, maybe it's because 95% of the people in my life have always lied to me from as early as I can remember. That's probably why being lied to is still a huge trigger for me and one I try so hard to get over but somehow just can't.
The worst is from men whatever a male says i just don't believe most of all if they are being nice to me however, If they call me all the names under the sun I think they are lying and are dealing with stuff themselves...
OMG THAT SOUNDS SO FUCKED UP!
I know that's the wrong way to think however I just can't stop myself feeling or thinking this way. I believe every man has an agenda, it's so understandable though from as young as I can remember Iv been abused sexually, physically and mentally, by men who where only nice to me when they wanted something from me or had hurt me in someway.
Having BPD is developed by going through trauma and my whole life Iv been dealing with things that know one should have too, this now leaves me being unable to have anything to do with men unless they are gay or my brother because I know they aren't or haven't got agenda and won't hurt me in anyway.
Let's say someone told me they where going to meet a family member I'd see this as reaction and the only possible reason for it would be they had found someone better than me.
When Infact they where probably just meeting this family member.
The fact that I'm trying to deal with my issues with lies and men is a huge step for me, I acknowledge and know this is MY issue and only I can deal with it and control the rage and intense feelings of loss, anger, loneliness, not being good enough, sadness and all the other feelings I feel.
Iv gotten over so much and I'll get over this. However undoing 20 odd years of these feelings is hard but sure as hell I'll do able.
Speak soon
The Girl with BPD x
