I'm not scared to be alone like most people are I've spent my whole alone I'm scared I'll never feel like this again for anyone, I'm scared that him rejecting the real me the person I've never shown to anyone will stop me ever letting anyone in again. I trusted him so much and I gave it my all I know at times it probs didn't feel like that when I was mean and nasty towards him but that part of my disorder hasn't gone away yet I tried so hard I gave it my best but I guess my best just wasn't good enough. I can only love someone the way I know how too. Sometimes I wish I hadn't been born because I hurt everyone but most of all I end up hurting my self me being how I am has broken my own heart, I cant expect anyone to love me or stay around its far to much to ask of one person. I don't expect people to put up with how I can be at times, I don't expect people to ever stay around anyway so I push and push till they have enough. I really did believe it was it for me well I hoped it was but deep down I new it wasn't I new he'd never stay around for me it was to hard for him. I've never been so happy in my life I never stopped laughing and finally being able to be me round someone was amazing it was the best to be able to be the me I am alone with someone else I've never had that. Now it's gone because of every fault of my own. I was so in love my head wouldn't stop spinning to the point where I had to shut off part of me when I wasn't with him I couldn't think and I felt very vulnerable and would lash out, it's so easy to write this now because it's all over and done with. I don't no how I'll bounce back from this but I know I'll just have too I'll just have to get on with my life now. I wasn't good enough or even worthy to be with him and I'd project every fault I thought he seen in me onto him when I felt I was going to be rejected because I didn't feel good enough I'd make him feel and think he wasn't but that was never the case he was more than enough for me. Sometimes you love a person for a short period of time, I know now it wasn't real from his side I mean how could it of been? But I'm glad that I got to feel like I had my happy ever after even if only for a very small period of time. I wish him every happiness in the world and I hope he really does fall in love with someone one day and she's everything to him like he was to me.
I just hope someone loves me one day like I do them, I hope I get my happy ever after..
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