My 7year old me and Me..

Ever since I was 7 years old and I wasn't allowed out my bedroom because I was told the other children didn't like me or Id been naughty even tho I had taken the blame for what someone else had done, I guess it was always just easy to blame the little girl who was troubled and damaged. The nights I had to eat hair grease, (and I pretend it was something amazing.) because I was hungry but was to scared to ask for anything more to eat after all Id been given breakfast n a small tea, I remember how Id lay in bed or Id sit on the edge during the day with my neck and shoulders heavy because I couldn't hold them anymore I always had this same dream that still 11 years later I have, still laying here alone because everyone I trust leaves me still and still believes Im not worth sticking with, I dream of that miracle when someone comes and saves me from the big monsters but the monsters now are my past, and will see that even tho Im damaged they will love me and just me. It's so hard with BPD I spend so much time hating myself that I don't need others to hate me too. I'm not lonely or scared to be alone infact being alone is the safest place in the world for me but I still have that fairytale in my mind that Im in Cinderella's and someone will climb every wall and scale the tallest tower  to just be with me. It's so hard when I think of that little girl I was because that 7 year old girl is still very much part of me, I just want to let her go but the more people let me down the more it's still only me and her. In the end all I ever really have is me no matter how much people say they understand and will be there they don't and never will be. I don't need saving anymore I just need some to hold my hand as I continue to save myself. 

I can't make all my dreams come true alone I guess. 

M