You know the me who didn't care what anyone thought of her? The one who had an attitude for no reason? The me who wasn't afraid to just be nasty?
It's so hard at times like this when other people effect your moods and causes you anitexy or to question yourself when you feel that all you have been is nice. I never used to care if someone hated me. I miss my whatever attitude, I miss the me that was ready and prepared for anyone and everyone to hate her. However now I'm not, I'm not mean or nasty, I try and be kind and mindful of everyone's situations and struggles.
Not everyone is like that though and egos and attitudes really do have a knock on effect on me these days, I get really confused and end up thinking what have I done. I probably do this as I don't want to be a person that people hate anymore. I want to spend my day making people laugh and being a positive influence on everyone's life. I'm the type of person to walk round smiling at people just to brighten their day because we never know what someone is having to handle, it's also nice when someone smiles back. It's all about little acts of kindness.
I say I miss the old me, however I love this me so much more! I love the person I am becoming from who I was. I like the fact I stand in the mirror and finally smile at who I am for not one reason it's a good feeling. I only ever miss the old me when I don't understand someone's behaviour towards me, as that cocky little bitch would of gave more than she got she had an attitude and ego bigger than anyone.
This me is better though I'm the me I was always hiding away from people, maybe that's why I'm more open and feel more vulnerable to people's behaviours towards me. That won't change me though or the path I'm on I'll continue to grow and recover from my BPD after all this new me is liked and loved a lot more..
You can see for yourself
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ape9TqURK9E
Love and hugs
The Girl with BPD X
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