Being happy in yourself is important to anyone however when you have BPD that little person that has protected you for so long, you know the one you talk to and explain that one day it'll all be ok, to self sooth yourself.
We as BPDs spend far to long trying to find someone who makes them feel whole, we need to look into ourselves to find this, it's comes from courage, strength, willpower but most of all from the desire to be better and of sound mind.
Never let anyone control your happiness, when we do this we allow them to control or sadness also. You know all those times when someone told you they felt like they was always on edge to your moods? Or how you'd react? Well this is the same but you have to look at it as an outsider,
People feel on edge because of us, however someone with BPD feels on edge because they are so scared that they can't make this person happy, they will see how we aren't perfect, how you spend all of your life trying to please others because that's the only way you know it's going to be ok.
That is all so wrong! We have to find happiness and peace with ourselves first and let go of the pain from the past. We can't change the past but we can make the future so much better. It's time to let go to the ghosts, it has taken up to much of your life already!
None of it was YOUR fault! But YOU are incontrol of your future and how bright it will be!
If I hadn't started this Journey nearly 4 years ago I'd never be here today, yes 4 years is a long time but the last year has been the hardest however because I made the choice that my past was going to ruin my happiness if I didn't spend all my time thinking, speaking and processing it. Yes it's been hard and at times I wanted to give up but I owe it to the little girl I was to make the rest of my life what I want it to be. I spent so long trying to be what someone else wanted me to be I forgot to be true to myself! I forgot about how sad I was or how I was attacked racially and personally by "friends" of someone who I was so in love with because I let him control my happiness I was never going to happy until I realise he was never enough for me anyway, see we tend to do that we romance about the happiness and forget the hurt that has been caused.
We didn't ask for bad things to happen however we are the happiness we NEED! Once you start smiling at the person you become the pain of past stops you feeling numb..
I smile today with love, pride, faith, gratitude and a full heart. My Journey isn't over yet but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel and where I started seems so long away.
Remember that each day is 24hrs, it's a new page in the story of your life, start a new chapter remember you are the author to your happiness.
Love hugs and kisses
Me xx
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